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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?